The Toxic Job & The Abusive Relationship: More Similar Than You Think

If you’ve ever been in a toxic job, you might have noticed something unsettling—it can feel eerily similar to an abusive relationship.

The red flags? Almost identical.

🔴 Love-Bombing at the Start
Abusive relationships often begin with excessive praise, affection, and promises. Toxic workplaces do the same—grand visions, exciting opportunities, and words like “we’re a family.”
You’re made to feel special. Until you’re not.

🔴 Gaslighting & Manipulation
In both situations, you start doubting yourself.
✔ “Maybe I’m not working hard enough.”
✔ “Maybe it’s my fault.”
✔ “Maybe I’m just overreacting.”
You’re made to question your instincts, even when they’re screaming at you.

🔴 Control Disguised as “Expectations”
In an abusive relationship, control creeps in slowly—who you talk to, how you spend your time.
In a toxic job?
✔ Unreasonable deadlines.
✔ Expectation to be available 24/7.
✔ Work creeping into nights, weekends, vacations.

🔴 Fear-Based Culture
Walking on eggshells. Anxiety every time your boss calls. Fear of making a mistake.
In toxic jobs (and abusive relationships), fear keeps you stuck.

🔴 The “Just One More” Trap
✔ Just one more late night, then things will ease up.
✔ Just one more project, then I’ll set boundaries.
✔ Just one more year, then I’ll leave.
But the goalpost keeps moving. And the cycle continues.

🔴 Isolation & Guilt
Toxic workplaces (like abusive partners) discourage you from seeking help. They make you feel like you’re the problem.
✔ You stop talking to friends about work because you don’t want to seem negative.
✔ You feel guilty for wanting more balance.
✔ You convince yourself leaving is too risky.

So how do you break free?

1️⃣ Recognise the patterns – Awareness is the first step.
2️⃣ Trust your gut – If it feels wrong, it probably is.
3️⃣ Know you deserve better – A job (or relationship) that drains you isn’t worth it.
4️⃣ Seek support – Talk to people who can help you gain clarity and make a plan.
5️⃣ Plan your exit – Even if you can’t leave immediately, start laying the groundwork.

Your job should challenge you, help you grow, and support your well-being.
It should never break you.

Have you ever noticed these similarities? Let’s talk about it. Please share your insights in the comments below.

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Are you seeking to create happiness at work? Do check The Happy Work Guide: 8 Steps to Freedom from Toxic Work.